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- AS YOU LIKE IT
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- Act 3 Scene 3
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- (Enter Touchstone the clown and Audrey, followed by Jaques)
- l1l Touchstone Come apace, good Audrey. I will fetch up
- l2l your goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey, am I the man
- l3l yet? Doth my simple feature content you?
- l4l Audrey Your features, Lord warrant usùwhat features?
- l5l Touchstone I am here with thee and thy goats as the
- l6l most capricious poet honest Ovid was among the Goths.
- l7l Jaques (aside) O knowledge ill-inhabited; worse than Jove
- l8l in a thatched house.
- l9l Touchstone When a manÆs verses cannot be understood,
- l10l nor a manÆs good wit seconded with the forward child,
- l11l understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a great
- l12l reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would the gods had
- l13l made thee poetical.
- l14l Audrey I do not know what ôpoeticalö is. Is it honest in
- l15l deed and word? Is it a true thing?
- l16l Touchstone No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most
- l17l feigning, and lovers are given to poetry; and what they
- l18l swear in poetry it may be said, as lovers, they do feign.
- l19l Audrey Do you wish, then, that the gods had made me
- l20l poetical?
- l21l Touchstone I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art
- l22l honest. Now if thou wert a poet, I might have some
- l23l hope thou didst feign.
- l24l Audrey Would you not have me honest?
- l25l Touchstone No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured;
- l26l for honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce
- l27l to sugar.
- l28l Jaques (aside) A material fool.
- l29l Audrey Well, I am not fair, and therefore I pray the gods
- l30l make me honest.
- l31l Touchstone Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul
- l32l slut were to put good meat into an unclean dish.
- l33l Audrey I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am
- l34l foul.
- l35l Touchstone Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness.
- l36l Sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may
- l37l be, I will marry thee; and to that end I have been with
- l38l Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next village, who
- l39l hath promised to meet me in this place of the forest,
- l40l and to couple us.
- l41l Jaques (aside) I would fain see this meeting.
- l42l Audrey Well, the gods give us joy.
- l43l Touchstone Amen.ùA man may, if he were of a fearful
- l44l heart, stagger in this attempt; for here we have no
- l45l temple but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But
- l46l what though? Courage. As horns are odious, they are
- l47l necessary. It is said many a man knows no end of his
- l48l goods. Right: many a man has good horns, and knows
- l49l no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of his wife, Ætis
- l50l none of his own getting. Horns? Even so. Poor men
- l51l alone? No, no; the noblest deer hath them as huge as
- l52l the rascal. Is the single man therefore blessed? No. As
- l53l a walled town is more worthier than a village, so is
- l54l the forehead of a married man more honourable than
- l55l the bare brow of a bachelor. And by how much defence
- l56l is better than no skill, by so much is a horn more
- l57l precious than to want.
- (Enter Sir Oliver Martext)
- l58l Here comes Sir Oliver.ùSir Oliver Martext, you are
- l59l well met. Will you dispatch us here under this tree, or
- l60l shall we go with you to your chapel?
- l61l Sir Oliver Martext Is there none here to give the woman?
- l62l Touchstone I will not take her on gift of any man.
- l63l Sir Oliver Martext Truly she must be given, or the
- l64l marriage is not lawful.
- l65l Jaques (coming forward) Proceed, proceed. IÆll give her.
- l66l Touchstone Good even, good Monsieur What-ye-call Æt.
- l67l How do you, sir? You are very well met. God Æield you
- l68l for your last company. I am very glad to see you. Even
- l69l a toy in hand here, sir.
- (Jaques removes his hat)
- l70l Nay, pray be covered.
- l71l Jaques Will you be married, motley?
- l72l Touchstone As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his
- l73l curb, and the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires;
- l74l and as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.
- l75l Jaques And will you, being a man of your breeding, be
- l76l married under a bush, like a beggar? Get you to church,
- l77l and have a good priest that can tell you what marriage
- l78l is. This fellow will but join you together as they join
- l79l wainscot; then one of you will prove a shrunk panel
- l80l and, like green timber, warp, warp.
- l81l Touchstone I am not in the mind but I were better to be
- l82l married of him than of another, for he is not like to
- l83l marry me well, and not being well married, it will be
- l84l a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.
- l85l Jaques Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.
- l86l Touchstone Come, sweet Audrey.
- l87l We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
- l88l Farewell, good Master Oliver. Not
- l89l O, sweet Oliver,
- l90l O, brave Oliver,
- l91l Leave me not behind thee
- l92l but
- l93 l Wind away,
- l94l Begone, I say,
- l95l I will not to wedding with thee.
- l96l Sir Oliver Martext (aside) ÆTis no matter. NeÆer a fantastical
- l97l knave of them all shall flout me out of my
- l98l calling.
- (Exeunt)
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